The darkness helps us all to shine

There's a Red Hot Chili Peppers song that I love called "Dark Necessities." I love the music from start to finish, but I love the poetry in the lyrics - one lyric in particular, "the darkness helps us all to shine." I actually thought it was "the darkness helps to sort the shine." Honestly, I love both versions! Mine is better...don't tell Anthony Kiedis.

I have been thinking a lot lately how very charmed my life is right now, and has been for a bit - even through the pandemic. I was very, very lucky - I have been in a job now for over 11 years that I love and has supported my family well. I received a generous inheritance that ensures me and mine will be ok (and while the safety net is nice, I'd give anything to have my dad, stepdad & grandma still here).  My children are mostly doing well. I am in a happy, safe, fulfilling relationship. I mostly get to set my rules, and it's nice.

Life wasn't always so easy, though. There were years I didn't know how I'd pay the bills, especially the thousands in mounting medical bills. There were years I felt trapped in unhappy, unfulfilling, and sometimes even verbally abusive marriages. There were long periods I was so despondent over my sons' health - both mental and physical - that I worried all the time that I was going to lose them. There were moments in my present job I was desperate to get out, worried over whether they could even pay me. I've lost parents and beloved family members. I've watched my sons lose friends far too young, and friends and acquaintances lose children who never had the chance to grow up.  I know pain, and I know trauma.

But my sons all survived childhood. I have zero medical debt, at the moment. And I am able to make some long-needed improvements to my home, and help my friends & family when they need it. But even now, while life is relatively calm and easy, I still look for storm clouds on the horizon. I know they will come; that's just life. None of us gets out of it alive, as they say. But what I do know is that no matter how bad it may get, I know how to get through it. I don't wish for a different history, for the one I have makes me beyond grateful for my present. 

The darkness certainly helped me to shine - and helped sort my shine.