Hazy

I love the way bad memories recede. I like knowing that even when I go through painful things, someday, they won't hurt so much. I know this. Things that had me in tears and tailspins even 3 and 4 weeks ago now hold very little power over me. The disappointment lingers, but the pain is gone.

For that I'm grateful.

I don't know if or when I can weather more pain like that. It's really hard hoping and believing and having it all crumble almost as soon as it begins. It's difficult not to believe there's something very fundamentally wrong with me.

And yet I keep dusting myself off, and trying again.

This used to be so easy - falling in love. Now I honestly don't even know if I'm capable of it, and even if I am, if there is any man on earth who could fall in love with me.