Where to go from here

Where DO I go from here? I'm in limbo land, unsure of where some things are headed. And it makes uneasy and sad, and I could take care of that by making a difficult and dramatic decision. But I won't. Not yet. Because I still want to see what might happen. I still want to know if he might Choose Me.

I'm at a strange place in my life; only one child living at home (one is on his own; another is living with his father) and I probably have more options than I ever had, in a variety of categories and for a variety of reasons. And I simply don't know what to do with it. Maybe I'm wasting it, but I'm just so damn tired. 

I think what I need is to be well and truly scared, in a good way. Do something new and different and terrifying with the real possibility of falling and failure. But for once, my life is not ruled by uncertainty and chaos, and I kind of like it that way. Perhaps it makes me boring. I'm nothing if not dependable. 

But for now I will probably just enjoy my wine and my books and the relative peace and calm.